2002-4

War’s shadow darkening the sky
distant thunder in sporadic surges
and angry lightening
threatens
threatens land
threatens lives
threatens to escalate the cycle of horror
as wounds and retributions
trip over each other in a cacophony of violence
that need not be
if governments, especially ours, did what they are supposed to do
protect the common interest
insure the citizens of the world
the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
But instead we get lies and insane rhetoric
aimed at placating and manipulating those who’d rather not think
about the unpleasant truths surrounding them
the unnecessary toils for the basics of life
while the superrich wallow in their privileges
and pull their public puppets strings
laugh their cynical laughs as the media they own
spin out lies and distortions
in creation of the empire
the Genghis Khans, Hitlers, and Stalins could only dream of
Here we are folks
so just smile, have a drink, get laid if your lucky
and the real shit, I mean the Real Shit
is that those goddamn Raiders played like pussy-whipped sissys
in the Super Bowl
and I lost half of my goddamn paycheck to that faggot brother-in-law
of mine in Florida

What’s a self-respecting dude supposed to do
when faced with that kinda shit
Would you tell me – what’s a self-respecting dude supposed to do when faced with this kinda Shit
What’s he to do?
What’s he to do?

I demand to see the guarantor that holds the mortgage on my life here. I demand to see the small print, that tool of mercenary and merciless lawyers, to see it enlarged and spoken to the world, to see the shenanigans of usurious greed exposed and condemned by the same class of self-righteous televangelists now touting war against the small dark men and women and children. Of course they came by their hatred honestly, their forebears preached joyfully of the Christian wisdom of butchering and enslaving other heathens.
Hey, and did you hear the good news, now we have lots of mini-nukes, don’t they sound just cute enough to use over and over again all over the damn place – and best of all, so efficient, after we use them to blow big holes close but not too close to the oil reserves, we can fill them full of the dead bodies. Now that is an economical use of resources.
I tell you the efficiency of runaway capitalism is amazing. What real man, you know like a businessman of the class of those who matter, doesn’t revel in ever more sophisticated technologies to spy, deceive, and destroy.
And yet I am a bit disturbed by a certain portent of silence. I suppose that even I, a man of great means and officially prescribed virtues, might miss the sound of crickets on a summer night, the lack of bird songs’ once liquid silver in springtime passion – oh well, every great act has some drawbacks. A true superpower is not afraid to murder for enslavement (oops, excuse me, I meant to say for ‘peace’), to rape the Earth for the green beauty of obscene profits, even to destroy the world to prove we’re right.

If I am the person who thinks I am the person I think I am
who am I if I am not thinking
or
if I am thinking that I am thinking
do I know who is thinking
but then
if I am thinking about the thinking that I was thinking
I was thinking
where’s the thinker who was thinking about the thinking
now that there is another thinking about the thinking
about thinking
So do thinkings about thinking curve away like a hall of mirrors
I think they do
and which thinking sets the recursive cascading trajectory
of thinking
to left or right or up or down
and once set in motion
do future thinkings about thinking
or future thinkings about thinking about thinking
alter its course
or is my thinking caught upon the horns the dilemna
of other thinkings
earlier thinkings
that I no longer thing about
much less think that I am thinking about
all this thinking is thinking it’s thinking
right
I mean if I think I’m thinking
I must be thinking
mustn’t I
I think that’s true
and now when I think about that thinking
I am sure it’s true
But wait a moment
now I’m thinking that I can’t remember what I was thinking
I was thinking I was thinking about
so what kind of thinking is that
not very good thinking I think
Ohhh I think deep thinking
I think
Ohh yes I think
and I think I think
so I do think
it is true
I think
HA yes yes
it is true I think
and I like it that I can think I think
and I like it even more that I can think I think it’s true
so tell me
what do you think
and more importantly
what do you think you think
about this thinking that is
Wait – what do you mean
what am I feeling?
I don’t know what to think about that I think about that
What do you think?
Ohh don’t look at me like that
I think

What hang’s forlorn
after lover’s heart
has opened in riotous light
when ecstatic play
and sweet intimacies
have fallen
deep into morning
a fear, a dread
arrives
first to waken
quick to lay
its onerous clammy calm
upon my mind and heart
She’s going,
ohh she’s going
on a journey to another land
another man
she implied she would return
but that is a hollow promise
she spoke
so I write these words
in predawn misery
a calumny
whence once bright light
of flower petal hues
has taken on a sickening pallor
as optimism dies
and innocence is cast down
and crushed
and I wonder
how many more times
will predawn misery greet me
what fractured vein
what seam of pain
born in utter loneliness
seeks healing
in alchemical transformation
and, ohh, I wish I knew
if wounding after wounding
really helps
anything at all
I already know
that I can survive
this and worse
but why?

The Power of deep priomal pain courses
through my veins
I walk through life a flaming pillar of passion
whose burnt center has been tempered
into a diamond-edged sword
that cuts through the usual bullshit
of this world
My feet have fused into the earth
down, down to the very molten living core
and I stand fixed firmly in righteousness
eagle-eyed vision ceaselessly scanning
in a fierce gaze
that would hold the little ones,
the innocent ones
in its protective embrace
offering comfort
and refuge
So to those of you who hurt
I welcome you to share in my gentle heart
and quiet strength
It will not fail to serve you
as long as this heart beats
and this body breathes
The power of deep primal pain courses
through my veins
It gives me persevering strength
and has led me to compassion
It is my gift to the world
It is my gift to you
I offer it freely and abundantly
Now and always
The power of deep primal pain courses
through my veins
and I would have it no other way

Sadness, Aloneness
are my friends
I suppose
They aren’t the most fun of companions
but they are the ones I have right now
so I welcome them in
and offer them a place at my table
My heart so feels as though it wants to explode in love
So what is holding it back
Enquiring
It seems to need a specific focus
in a female partner
Why not just let the Love Be
full out now
Why wait for external circumstances to change
Why indeed
I don’t know
I feel into my Heart’s ability to experience Love
It’s Clenched
There’s Fear
The opposite of Love
I ask “when will it be gone?”
and know the answer
Only in this moment can it be gone
and that moment slides into another
with my Heart still Fearful and Clenched
Without justification
Whatever that might involve
Accepting that Love isn’t a feeling but is what we actually are
would presumably be good
but it is merely an intellectual construct so far
How to make that a Lived Reality?
I don’t know
and it Hurts So Much
I scream the inner scream of anguish
tearing through my silent throat
an agnostic regarding Hope
 
Cool cloudy day contrasts
With clear mind
Burned by pain
Into current awareness

Ready

Astride the Paradox

It’s Ours Forever